HAPPY VALENTINE'S BELOVEDS

HAPPY VALENTINE’S BELOVEDS!!

MAY ALL OF YOU REMEMBER THE LOVE THAT IS YOUR ESSENCE- MAY IT FILL YOU WITH JOY AND COMFORT. MAY EACH OF YOU KNOW HOW MUCH YOU ARE LOVED, LOVABLE AND LOVING!

This is the first year in decades I have been without a partner on this day. I am feeling a lot of emotions. I am feeling deeply the depth of the yearning to live the Love that I know I am. There is such a sense of homecoming when I live it, a huge YES, a delicious sweetness. To taste it and to have it pass away is exquisite pain. I know that it is breaking my heart open to the unconditional love that is my true nature, so I turn and do my best to embrace the yearning. Here is some of what is going on from what I wrote on my other site- just to give a flavor of the yearning:

 Yesterday my daughter and I were in the most incredibly loving place- totally unconditional like when she was a baby. I forgot to pay my DMV registration and now there was a big penalty. I tried to call to pay it and the wait was 1 3/4 hour! I don't know how to pay on line- i know i know. My daughter said, i think you need a hug and gave me the sweetest hug. So many delicious moments.

 I was so sad, so sad, crying now because we were THERE in the LOVE and I let my schedule and my MIND kick me out because I was so busy and got into a time crunch. I was sad all day at the way it played out and she ended up feeling rejected and unappreciated, which was so far from what was true for me. I won't see her today for the first time on Valentine's and I can't even talk to her cause my cell phone is broken and I go out of town before she is out of school.  I want to push this pain away and pretend it doesn't mater yet it does. For me, I must own it is my deepest yearning to know that intimacy, that love with a partner, with my daughter, with my friends and family, with my life. “The strength of the yearning does all the work”- if that is true I am so in like Flynn because my yearning is huge and I am proud that I never say no to it yet allow it again and again to crack me open. In this moment the crack is wide open and the tears are flowing. I won't push them away- i allow allow allow and dream on to a world where this is my everyday reality and the reality for many others too. Let it be so.