I woke up this morning and received an inner message to write about co-dependency. I have learned that to have the richest, most delicious life possible I am wise to listen to all inner messages so here goes.
I AM NOT CO-DEPENDENT ANYMORE. For those of you who know me, this is such astonishing news it bears repeating. I AM NOT CO-DEPENDENT ANYMORE! Given the level at which this dynamic has ruled my life this is nothing short of a miracle. I recognize that I am not alone in having sourced love outside of myself. It seems a planetary epidemic, at least in the western world. (I don't know enough about the East to speak of it.) I have been aware of this charge in me and working diligently on it for over 15 years, really for my whole adult life. I remember my daughter going to kindergarden and having the visceral feeling that love was leaving my body and driving off. Ouch! This belief caused me so much agony over the last two years I mourn for the torment I experienced. Yet by diving into that belief again and again and again I have finally cleared it and it as though I have entered a new world, passed into another dimension. In this world I am free to say yes or no. I am free to go or stay. I am free to let others go or stay. I have more friends then I have had since college yet I no longer NEED them. I luxuriate in being alone (that has been true for a long time) and I relish spending time with others. I speak to strangers as long lost friends. I exchanging knowing glances of joy with people I have never met. I guess the reason I am sharing this is that this one seemed like it would never end, never heal, never leave me in peace. And this rainy morning I am basking again in peace. I know that most likely there will be more waves that will knock me hither and yon yet I no longer question if these energies crucify or resurrect (a blog I wrote in August where I was pretty convinced it was crucifixion). I know that this unraveling is bringing me ever closer to a constant remembrance of Who I am, of the Love that is my original nature. For now I have more than glimpses. I have hours and days. Whoa, what a ride!!!
I AM NOT CO-DEPENDENT ANYMORE. For those of you who know me, this is such astonishing news it bears repeating. I AM NOT CO-DEPENDENT ANYMORE! Given the level at which this dynamic has ruled my life this is nothing short of a miracle. I recognize that I am not alone in having sourced love outside of myself. It seems a planetary epidemic, at least in the western world. (I don't know enough about the East to speak of it.) I have been aware of this charge in me and working diligently on it for over 15 years, really for my whole adult life. I remember my daughter going to kindergarden and having the visceral feeling that love was leaving my body and driving off. Ouch! This belief caused me so much agony over the last two years I mourn for the torment I experienced. Yet by diving into that belief again and again and again I have finally cleared it and it as though I have entered a new world, passed into another dimension. In this world I am free to say yes or no. I am free to go or stay. I am free to let others go or stay. I have more friends then I have had since college yet I no longer NEED them. I luxuriate in being alone (that has been true for a long time) and I relish spending time with others. I speak to strangers as long lost friends. I exchanging knowing glances of joy with people I have never met. I guess the reason I am sharing this is that this one seemed like it would never end, never heal, never leave me in peace. And this rainy morning I am basking again in peace. I know that most likely there will be more waves that will knock me hither and yon yet I no longer question if these energies crucify or resurrect (a blog I wrote in August where I was pretty convinced it was crucifixion). I know that this unraveling is bringing me ever closer to a constant remembrance of Who I am, of the Love that is my original nature. For now I have more than glimpses. I have hours and days. Whoa, what a ride!!!
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