Story

For the first time in many months, I got caught in my own story. Yesterday was a difficult day and I had to allow true grief and sadness yet at the same time I added a heavy dose of story basing how I would feel in the moment on how I have felt in the past. I decided the situation would be incredibly difficult and terrifying. I did experience a lot of sadness and fear in the morning yet by afternoon I had a very good day, a pleasant evening and now am having an exceptionally relaxed, lovely morning sitting on my deck in harmony with the sublime nature that surrounds me. I sure hope that next time I am tempted to use the past to determine how I'll feel in the future, I'll remember how much anguish I caused myself then and have caused myself umpteen times. I have plenty on my plate without adding an extra load.

Something else that has been up for me. I am noticing that the deeper the commitment to the spiritual journey, the more "stuff" that seems to come up and the more intense the "unraveling" seems to be. For awhile now this has been kind of pissing me off and making me wonder if I have been backing the wrong horse. Yet then I get glimpses of my true self and the feeling tone of it is so stupendous that all doubt drops away. I'm still moaning and groaning a bit, yet I'm in for the ride.