seed of an equivalent benefit

I just read a book by Napoleon Hill, of Think and Grow Rich fame. It seems he was one of the first expounders of manifestation consciousness, how to think and feel your way into a new experience. He was speaking about the "seed of an equivalent benefit." I didn't get much from the book but that. The idea if you have suffered great loss an equivalent benefit awaits you if you look for it, intended it. Well, I like that. I figure after a year and a half of almost pure grief, terror and sorrow that I was endlessly allowing, then four months of fairly intense challenges, the seed of my equivalent benefit must be the size of New York. There's just got to be a pony under that pile of poo. Last week I began to taste it. Three fabulous days where I experienced a never before known wholeness, a clarity, a joy, a certainty that was delicious. My intuition was firing on all cylinders, miracles were my daily fare. If you've been following this blog, you know I don't pretend. I hate the "I"m fabulous" that I get whenever I met someone one from a New Thought church. I'm fabulous even though yesterday I tried to slit my wrist- no thank you. I mean honest to God great. What a relief because I figured pretty soon no one would be interested in this journey, this path except to use it to know exactly what not to do. Then I had two quite good days, one yucky day and now a neutral day. But I tell ya, the synchronicities are flying and everything is flowing. I am chewing on another challenge but the experience is entirely differ, I feel guided and held, supported with knowledge from beyond. I don't even try to figure it out. I wait to hear the answer. I truly feel like I have entered a parallel universe where things are easier and life can be so wonderful. Like I said, today is so so but I still got a good feeling. We'll see what the future brings.

This is all very good news as I was beginning to wonder if I could still promote this path, given my experiences and seeming lack of results. Yes, yes I can. That is if you are interested in absolute freedom mixed with unconditional love and joy. It is the only way I have found that can lead me back to the realization of my own Essence as my lived experience. Yes, it was way more intense then I thought, yes, sometimes I didn't think I'd make it. But now I can say from a place beyond pure faith- it is worth the ride. My mentor told me people would flock to me when they saw how magnificent my life was. Since I was mired in misery, I was like, yea right. I felt lost in the goo of my own unconsciousness. Would I ever emerge from the tunnel? Yes, I would and I am. Hang in there. We all will too.
(reporting live from the Edge...)