firestorm

Yesterday I got caught in a firestorm that still has me reeling. I feel incinerated by the force of the monsters lurking inside me and threatening to take me DOWN. I still have a pit in my stomach that wont let go. Since these darling monster seem to be almost  always triggered by an event outside of me, my finger immediately want to point to someone, anyone and blame them. Since I have felt the force of the blame coming toward me from someone else and know how incredibly wounding that is, I am committed to stop projecting. But right now the wind is howling, the rain is slashing and I feel weak and frightened. These forces feel so powerful that I seem to be at their mercy. My prayers, rituals, hopes, and dreams mere wisp of smoke. I sure hope there is some force greater then what I am feeling that I can connect to because right now I feel like toast. The fact that I have so recently experienced such freedom, such joy somehow almost makes it worse. I want my Mommy, a Mommy I never had, someone to come and cuddle with me, whispering sweet endearments, assuring me I am loved and that the monsters aren't real and that everything will be alright.