thoughts on parenting, money and value

again, some of my comment from TWYH. Feeling very informal here, just sharing current musings:

... To me it has been clear for a long time that there is something way off in the way we define parenting, making the parent responsible for the child in ways that don't make sense. This to me is a recipe for disaster. Yes, we must care for them, provide for them, love them. But take full responsibility for their behavior doesn't really seem legitimate or feasible. Hear me out. I almost didn’t take the licensing exam to be a therapist after a 10 year effort because I could no longer stomach the legal responsibility I was mandated to have for my clients. It doesn’t work. I took the exam yet only had two therapy clients after passing. It is way too heavy to even considered taking on another’s issues with a sense of responsibility. No way Jose. So luckily I discovered Cellular Memory Release soon after where it is all about returning the client to their own responsibility and power. I love how Lauren says it is our presence that will be the new teacher, nothing else. I am certainly coming to that as again anything else feels too heavy. So back to parenting. Same deal. I lost my marbles a few days ago with my child. I realized it came from two points. First from judging myself as a bad parent if she does something socially unacceptable like be "rude.". Then projecting my hatred of being human and flawed on to her.  My point being there is something flawed about the concept that we held accountable for our children's behavior even when these children, are so strong willed and self determined as the new children of the now. I don’t know what the answer is yet, I just see the question.
 Then I have been sitting with the link between money and value. Somehow I was born with the ability to live without the attachment that I must work for money. Now this has been an incredible blessing. It took me awhile to shake the cultural myth but once I did I was off and running and have lived without “work” for 25 years, often quite lavishly for my taste. Yet I have never made much money from my own work. I made it through being smart and unattached but not from what I truly value about myself and my own wisdom. So that is my sense of why my $ flow has slowed way down. Time to receive the energy of money through offering my beingness to the world. Feels like mission impossible to believe that the thing that is most true about me, my ability to be more than to do, can ever generate income so time to let that bad boy belief go. All of it comes down for me to actually enjoying being human, enjoying the whole bloody ride and not taking it seriously. That is not my experience in this moment yet I am seeing down the road to KNOW this is what can and must be for any of this to make sense. Looking forward to that upcoming reality of loving being human on this planet. Loving when I am in rage, upset, exhausted as well as when I am loving, wise and fun. That’s where the action is for me. 

help wanted: a recipe for joy

After a lovely week soaking in hot mineral springs in Nevada I have returned and awoke today with a feeling of discomfort. On Wednesday I was in Virginia City when I had a rage attack. The triggering incident was minor so I was surprised by the depth of my rage. I started asking myself questions and my point of departure lately is to assume it is a projection that is sending me around the bend. So why had this sent me into a searing rage? Today the answer popped into my mind. It relates to my dislike/hatred of being human. I see this ride will not be over until I come to love being human, to enjoy the earth experience. Now this feels like a tall order personally and globally. How can I love being human after I just finished an excellent book on the Holocaust, with mass shootings, deliberate pollution and altering of food, extreme greed and so on. In my world the question is how can I delight in the human condition when the people I love can turn into seemingly cold monsters from one second to the next? I see that it goes back to my childhood where at any moment my father could begins raging over some small irritation. So when a relative suddenly seems to turn on me with an act I consider to be rude, unkind or alienating I can easily return to that feeling of it being life or death, as it was for me as a little child. So this relative’s grumpiness and a door shut in my face for no apparent reason were the trigger for this intense rage arising Wednesday. 

Only presence stopped me from reacting and counter attacking. Instead I have been sitting with it. Inside I felt huge separation and anything but love. While I had no external reaction, internally I felt incredible anger and energetic attack which I know did not go unfelt. Yet the lessons of the last weeks stopped me from judging myself (at least not too much). I was judging the person involved even while questioning the whole incident. I have been sitting with it for three days and awoke with such a feeling of heaviness, of not wanting to be here. 

A few years ago listening to my outgoing phone message repeatedly woke me up to the realization I wanted off the planet, to go home, where ever that home might be. I have made  some peace with being human but not enough. The last weeks taught me my own value, to stop seeing my own authentic nature as much more of a be-er than a do-er as worthless, to see myself as valuable and perfect. Now I see I must come to not just accept being human, but rather to truly delight in it. I hear the background music for Mission Impossible playing in my head as this is how it feels, especially after these 13 years of torturous ascension experiences and symptoms. Yet I am absolutely clear this is what it will take to stop projecting my hatred of my “failures,” my moment of being monstrous like my father was too often. How am I to do that? How can I see another's behavior that appears as factually monstrous to me, not matter how slight the provocation sometimes is, as harmless?  How can I accept being human with all its flaws? It took me years to truly forgive another relative’s behavior but I was a bulldog on a pork chop with it, as I could feel how the unforgivenss sat in me with it’s insidious poison leaching away my peace. Now I have two more people who perfectly reflect my own remaining self hatred for being human, for sometimes acting monstrously. I keep using that word as I see that even the smallest action can give rise to the certainty of the boogie man ready to pounce.

I am clear the only antidote is to enjoy this circus. Of course, when I do the whole world shifts and suddenly it is truly enjoyable. This is definitely the cart before the horse reality. No clue how to make this happen. In fact, I know I can’t MAKE IT happen. I can only surrender and intend it and await the miracles with my currently minuscule trust. So if anybody has the recipe for joy, please, oh please let me know. 

Yea, I know that I know it already at a semi conscious level. Just intending to make peace with the unjoy until the joy arrives, as it certain will.

happy solstice

I continue to be very inwardly focused, riding the waves of inner transformation. I hope the solstice energies bring you your heart's desires. I carry all of you in my heart.

what the bleep is happening?

Here are some post I found useful from friends on TWYH:
opps, one post, other would not let me copy and paste, sigh...


Sonara says:
June 14, 2013 at 6:31 am
You’re Now Receiving Powerful Currents of Universal Energy

a message from Meredith Murphy
Wednesday, 12 June, 2013 (posted 13 June, 2013)

Greetings Dear Heart,
You, like many others are experiencing nearly electrifying energy waves incorporating into your field. You realize this is important and
valuable and yet it can be very challenging to handle emotionally and energetically. The intensity of this energy gives you a feeling of
“not knowing what to do,” for even lying down isn’t really that comforting, as the intensity of the energy and it’s electrifying
qualities, do not really subside even when resting.

This gearing up for higher dimensional contact is a natural step in the process of your own expansion into greater quantities and
concentrations of light. With this higher vibrational pitch you are cultivating, by allowing this energy to join in you with you as you,you are opening up a new stream of consciousness within humanity. This
powerful current of Universal Energy is liberating the light of Source into the sphere of humanity. This is a very big deal and it is what you really have been working towards with your efforts to remember and then to support your awakening for so very long.

It will not last indefinitely this energy and so while you are experiencing it, try to give yourself comfort. Try to remind yourself
of all that you knew before you came here. You may not be able to remember specifics, but you certainly can remind yourself that you
knew you were capable of this; that you very much wanted to be here for this; that you would find incredible opportunities for
self-expression and joy and collaboration within this new reality you would be summoning with your attention and grounding and out picturing in your world.

In the world, in your human experience, and out pictured, much remains to come forth and we hope you might even comfort yourself with the
curiosity of this and the anticipation of this and the reminder to yourself that your current intense physical experiences truly are
temporary and will subside.

To support yourself, eat lightly, drink lots of water, lie down and rest when you can and also distract yourself with movies, or music or
beauty so that you can be present and yet focused as much as possible on something you find amusing, funny, beautiful or entertaining.

This will support your body greatly and also help you to pass the time while your light body expands. Your light body is now approaching avenues of expression that are entirely new for humanity as a whole on Earth in this physical form:going beyond direct access to 5th dimensional energies and allowing you to open up very widely to the Universal Source connection within each of you in an embodied expression. This is happening not just
individually to those who move into this embodiment, but as this embodiment is occurring it is altering the momentum of the human
template, and it is building in a way that corresponds to how you think of the 100 Monkey scenario. It’s contagious. Nevertheless, the
energetic experience itself can make you feel nauseous or queasy, tired, electric or revved up and irritated — all at once!

We thank you so very much for your brave participation in such a challenging experience and please know we are right here with you and
offering you as much ease and comfort as our loving light can provide while the physical world transforms. We recognize your plight and so we speak to you today to encourage you to persevere and know this will lift/ebb soon and then you will be renewed.

We love you very much.

Beloved, abundance bracelet, portal

Beloveds,
For those interested, I just added photos of my abundance bracelet that symbolizes the transformation that occurred when I was at Amma last week, a photo of the portal (tree with Buddha head) where I pour out love to the world and know it is coming in from the heavens and the bowels of Gaia and a photo of Beloved, the archetypal figure I created during a year long process called Way of the Doll in 1999, the year of the beginning of the Galactic wave of the Mayan calendar. Enjoy, my loves. kisses

release exercise

Found this easy and useful:

Whether you find yourself in this in-between stage, or simply wish to step deeper into the light, as a way of energetically assisting those into the light who seem to have lost their way, I offer you this powerful healing experience. Simply read the following words out loud and notice how you feel. You can repeat it as often as you wish, but it only needs to be done once for the effects to take place. Whether felt immediately or gradually throughout the day as you integrate it into your field, let us step forward as lightworkers and assist in Heaven's arrival by thanking the outdated lower vibrational timelines for all they have taught us and release our attachments with ease, grace, joy, and love:
"I allow all lower vibrational timelines to be acknowledged, cleared, and released out of all energy fields - returned to the Source of origin; to be transmuted completely and returned to the purity, wholeness, and perfection of eternal light, as I AM now."
Matt Kahn I got from FB link to big energy updates

BIG energy updates conta.cc

Well, our sunburns from our 15 minute walk without sunscreen on our recent California tour are finally fading. We want to welcome all the new loving hearts to the community from the California satsangs and intensives. We're so grateful for

I knew how to fly when...

feeling inspired to share an exercise I created last week in my writing class: 

I knew how to fly when

I was seven although my feet never left the ground

I knew how to fly when 

I blew on a dandelion, knowing dreams come true

I knew how to fly when

I dove into your eyes, certain all would be well

I knew how to fly when

I left home with only a bicycle and two bulky suitcases

I knew how to fly when

I turned my back on your endless cage

I knew how to fly when 

I boarded the plane leaving behind everything I’d ever known, with only red heart underwear, a box of Teuscher’s champagne truffles and your hand to hold me

I knew how to fly when

I bought the around the world ticket without knowing Nairobi is in Kenya

I knew how to fly when

we would arrive in the next country with only a guide book and two tiny stuffed bears with loud Hawaiian shirts 

I knew how to fly when

I dove past the garden of blossoming tentacles of soft coral feeding on the plankton in the swift current

I knew how to fly when

I insisted on finishing my Pina Colada on Koh Tao while a drunken customer fired off his pistol

I knew how to fly when

I sucked my tank dry, alone with the mammoth mantra rays emerging from the gloomy waters like mythical creatures of forgotten times

I knew how to fly when 

only the blink of the answer machine gave me enough courage to fly a thousand miles to meet you for the first time, knowing you would be with me for the rest of my life

I knew how to fly when

I followed my dolphin friends a hundred miles from land, lost to the ship, into tumultuous waves of hurricane tossed waters, guided only by my absolute joy and my sense of belonging

I knew how to fly when

I let you go after 23 1/2 years together, knowing the pieces of our puzzle no longer fit

I knew how to fly when

I put my faith in myself and not in my bank account

I knew how to fly when

I realized my relative calling my an irresponsible numbskull was only a reflection of my own self hatred

I knew how to fly when

I stopped judging my way of being and saw myself as a Divine masterpiece

I knew how to fly when

I was certain all I had devoted my life to was real and that we are the beloved

I knew how to fly when

my eyes cleared of their blindness and I saw my own infinite value

I knew how to fly when

today I cried hot tears of joy in yoga class, kissing my arms and breast, welcoming myself home to my own embrace