Today is my official rebirthday. I was born at 1:42 p.m. in Ohio. How ideal that the black moon transited the galactic center less than an hour and a half after my birth moment, adding to my intention and knowing that this birthday is carrying for me the energy of rebirth. Whether your birthday is today or not, will you join me in diving into the energy of rebirth?
I am feeling rebirth quality for a number of reasons; i lived past both my parents' age, I have cleared most of my deepest wounds, I rarely am triggered by so many of the things that used to send me around the bend and the energy of transformation is so spectacular now it feels like I am on the rebirth roller coaster.
Last year my birthday was agony as I set a deep intention to free myself of the belief that no one loved me unless I got a certain number of presents. I know it is crazy yet the link was so powerful in my mind that it literally held me captive for so many years and caused my dear wasband endless grief. Today my plans changed numerous times and I ended up spending the day alone. Last year that was a trial I set for myself. This year being alone is a delight. I had several celebrations before and will have one after today. I am totally thrilled to sit on my deck on this cool, cloudy day and revel in my own Presence. This is miracle territory. This deck was the location of some of my most excruciating moments, where my will to live dipped into the negative zone. It was on this land a few years ago that a shriek of such agony ripped from my throat that I literally was unaware the sound was human and coming from me. To be where I am now is beyond phenomenal.
Someone yesterday questioned how I am able to dip into such peace ever more frequently. The two most critical keys were surrender and allowance. I had to allow myself to dive into that agony, that terror, that anguish. I had to let it rip through my body as a pure sensation of grief, of anguish. Yet when I did, a trapdoor would open under my feet and sometimes I would be dropped into such a purity of self love and gratitude that it almost always brought tears to my eyes. I had to surrender any ideas I had, any plans about how to reach my goal, my powerful intention of embodied love and joy. I had to hang on to that intention like a bulldog on a pork chop, riding wherever the Universe led me. I had to hold on to the trust that sometimes was a very frayed thread that I would survive, that what was happening was freeing me, that I would actually arrive at a place I had never left. Am I always there? Far, far from it. Yet the tastes are ever more frequent and the certainty grows. Just these last weeks I fell into the same old trap of illusion and powerless as sleepless nights left me feeling frightened, powerless and a victim of my own exhaustion. It is only some days ago when i woke up to how my perpetual focus on the extreme weariness and fatigue kept me locked into it. I was indeed doing it to myself!! I finally let go of my future negative fantasies of how the depletion was going to drive me into insanity and truly surrender the whole mess. I thought, it is what is is and I stay out of the future, I just let it be. Big surprise, I finally started to sleep.
Revelation is always personal and what works for one will be nonsense for another. I wish I could put into words what I did to free myself as much as I have. I wish I could put it in a bottle and just have anyone interested drink it. I wish others could tell me how they got so much freer than I have. Yet this is an inside job. We all can only give and receive pointers. It is always my hope that my words may make some difference.
I understand viscerally how we are energy beings. It is all about the frequency we carry. I notice people lighting up in my field of energy, being uplifted, touching me more frequently. I notice how I can see the light and love frequency in others and am drawn to them, wanting to touch and breath in their expanded state of love. I notice how the sense of perpetual struggle is easing a bit and I am feeling more alive then I have since being in love in my 20's. I am noticing I seem to be through much of the crucifixion phase and slowly resting more often in the resurrection, rebirth energy. And it is good.
I am feeling rebirth quality for a number of reasons; i lived past both my parents' age, I have cleared most of my deepest wounds, I rarely am triggered by so many of the things that used to send me around the bend and the energy of transformation is so spectacular now it feels like I am on the rebirth roller coaster.
Last year my birthday was agony as I set a deep intention to free myself of the belief that no one loved me unless I got a certain number of presents. I know it is crazy yet the link was so powerful in my mind that it literally held me captive for so many years and caused my dear wasband endless grief. Today my plans changed numerous times and I ended up spending the day alone. Last year that was a trial I set for myself. This year being alone is a delight. I had several celebrations before and will have one after today. I am totally thrilled to sit on my deck on this cool, cloudy day and revel in my own Presence. This is miracle territory. This deck was the location of some of my most excruciating moments, where my will to live dipped into the negative zone. It was on this land a few years ago that a shriek of such agony ripped from my throat that I literally was unaware the sound was human and coming from me. To be where I am now is beyond phenomenal.
Someone yesterday questioned how I am able to dip into such peace ever more frequently. The two most critical keys were surrender and allowance. I had to allow myself to dive into that agony, that terror, that anguish. I had to let it rip through my body as a pure sensation of grief, of anguish. Yet when I did, a trapdoor would open under my feet and sometimes I would be dropped into such a purity of self love and gratitude that it almost always brought tears to my eyes. I had to surrender any ideas I had, any plans about how to reach my goal, my powerful intention of embodied love and joy. I had to hang on to that intention like a bulldog on a pork chop, riding wherever the Universe led me. I had to hold on to the trust that sometimes was a very frayed thread that I would survive, that what was happening was freeing me, that I would actually arrive at a place I had never left. Am I always there? Far, far from it. Yet the tastes are ever more frequent and the certainty grows. Just these last weeks I fell into the same old trap of illusion and powerless as sleepless nights left me feeling frightened, powerless and a victim of my own exhaustion. It is only some days ago when i woke up to how my perpetual focus on the extreme weariness and fatigue kept me locked into it. I was indeed doing it to myself!! I finally let go of my future negative fantasies of how the depletion was going to drive me into insanity and truly surrender the whole mess. I thought, it is what is is and I stay out of the future, I just let it be. Big surprise, I finally started to sleep.
Revelation is always personal and what works for one will be nonsense for another. I wish I could put into words what I did to free myself as much as I have. I wish I could put it in a bottle and just have anyone interested drink it. I wish others could tell me how they got so much freer than I have. Yet this is an inside job. We all can only give and receive pointers. It is always my hope that my words may make some difference.
I understand viscerally how we are energy beings. It is all about the frequency we carry. I notice people lighting up in my field of energy, being uplifted, touching me more frequently. I notice how I can see the light and love frequency in others and am drawn to them, wanting to touch and breath in their expanded state of love. I notice how the sense of perpetual struggle is easing a bit and I am feeling more alive then I have since being in love in my 20's. I am noticing I seem to be through much of the crucifixion phase and slowly resting more often in the resurrection, rebirth energy. And it is good.
