We are the Beloved

On Easter I released the biggest condition that I believed was essential to my well being, to my wholeness, to my life. It was very challenging because my ego was screaming at me “NO, NO, NO!!!!!!! Don’t do it. You’ll be destroyed!” But my soul’s voice, while quiet and gentle, told me to do it and I had the courage to act. I jumped off the cliff only held by Trust. With tears in my eyes but with a firm hand I ritualistically cut away my last “idol.” An idol is what The Course in Miracles calls anything that we believe is essential to us, that we can’t live without, that we need and must have to be happy, free, fine, whatever. I have had many idols in my life, primarily relationships, but also food, sugar, shopping, travel, beauty, nature, good weather, etc. Now these things are beautiful in and of themselves; they only become destructive when we believe we NEED them for something. Why? It took me a long time to really grok this beyond the level of thought, to know in my body why this is true. The answer.... Drum roll, please, is because we are whole, perfect, and complete exactly as we are. WE ARE THE BELOVED. There is nothing that can add or take away from our magnificence, nothing. 

I don’t know about you but when I first read that I was like, huh?!? Nothing can add or subtract from us. No way, who are they kidding? Way of Mastery asks us to contemplate that question again and again- what can truly add to our fullness or take anything away from our essence? When I first read that, I was like, well, let me count the ways I can be diminished. Yet somehow when I jumped off that cliff on Easter, something profound shifted in me and for weeks at a time, I GOT IT!!! BEYOND THE LEVEL OF THOUGHT!!! IN MY BODY!!!!!!! O.K., another drum roll please, I AM THE  BELOVED AND SO ARE YOU!!!! I have worked toward this truth for twenty-four and a half years and now I get it for longer and longer periods and trust me when I tell you it was worth the wait. I have waited my whole life for someone to adore and cherish me enough so I could really feel it, really get it. I have been blessed with a number of people who have truly adored me and guess what? It made a dent but it was only temporary and then they began to act in ways that weren’t adoring and the whole vicious cycle started over again. My “special relationship,” the one that was meant to save me, walked away, wasn’t so attractive anymore, had a drinking problem, didn’t really love me, wasn’t spiritual, was no fun, was too bossy, etc. Shit, no cheese down that tube. So I was off and running again. But not now. It is indeed a miracle, I adore and cherish mySelf, but really. I  am magnificent. I am the Beloved. And guess what, when I Am, I can’t help but notice, YOU ARE TOO!! You are all looking so good to me! 

Here is what it feels like when I am mySelf. Time stops, I have no thoughts of the past or the future. I notice when people make “errors” but I just want to support them in regaining their balance. I have no judgments, no deep need. I feel joyful yet detached. Now, I don’t know about you but that word detached always gave me the creeps. Boring! No way. Detached is not a good word as it has so many negative connotations. Yet the feeling is good, it is a feeling of observing and delighting in all that passes before me. It is accepting what is with grace. It is having the thing that I thought was essential to my life, to my happiness taken away and feeling not only equanimity but a deep sense of liberation, a sense of unimaginable freedom, a deep knowing that it is suppose to walk away, that it is perfect. Can you imagine what it is to feel that, come what may, you still feel joy and peace? Well my previous worst nightmare is unfolding and I feel peace, gratitude, a deep contentment and most of all an exhilarating sense of liberation. I AM FREE!! I see only perfection and feel strong gratitude and excitement, wondering what miracles will unfold next. I sense the feeling tone of my future and it is yummy. I am seeing in the moment that what seemed like the worst thing that could happen is actually the exact thing I need and will lead me to my life’s desire, my most cherished dream. (O.K., enough with the capitals and exclamation points but this is pretty big for me.) Whoppee. (see, no exclamation point.)

Well, now truly I do feel born again. I get what the first commandment means, when they say thou shall not put false Gods before me. What it means for me is that anything or anyone one we believe can detract from our own totality, magnificence (I looked in the thesaurus, no other word for it) is a false God because then we don’t recognize ourself as made in the exact image and likeness of God. We are it. We are the One. Can you feel it?

The energy of transformation on the planet right now is intense. The Mayan calendar has given us the count down for eons. And boy, were they right on target. It is my greatest desire that we all feel it, know it, are it, that we all fully embrace ourselves as the Beloved. I see and feel it in you. Do you?