RESURRECTION

Today is Easter and for me there is a new energy, an energy of what one might call resurrection. Do you feel it too? It as though all the years of struggle and pain have dropped away and the chance for bliss is right there at my finger tips, in this moment. It is my choice to stay with that peace and expansion or to move into my mind, my mind that loves to jump back to the past or wing it’s way into the future. Yet I have experimented enough times to have tasted the suffering the past and future so often hold for me. It has made me “vigilant for the kingdom” as Way of Mastery  names it. For me, being vigilant for the kingdom means I stay with what is, I allow it without comparison or opinion. And somehow miraculously, here I have found such an incredible sense of quiet joy. Who would have thought it is so simple yet previously so unattainable. 

The last decade has held much joy and great agony. It has been extraordinarily difficult for me, particularly the last year and a half. Two days ago it was exactly a year and a half ago I began my descent into hell. I tell you several times it felt like a close call whether I would ever find the door out. Despite doing the work personally and professionally for many years, of completely allowing whatever arises, fully embodying whatever shows up as one's experience, there were literally times when I felt the pressure and pain were so great they were not survivable. Luckily, turns out I was wrong. Well things have not developed as I planned or wished for, not even as I thought was essential for my well being. Three conditions I thought would destroy me through their loss, I have not only survived but come to recognize as essential to my transformation and my joy. I have given up believing I know best what will lead to my own happiness. Who would a thunk it? 

Today it is pouring rain, not ideal for an outdoor Easter party. Yet I never considered the thought that it should not be raining. In a nutshell, that is what my unfolding has been about. Echart Tolle said it simply in The Power of Now. I have learned to accept what is. Previously, I so often fought what was, trying to command and control my life. Not that I had any luck. It is just that now I get it that I don’t get it. Now I don’t pretend to know what is best or how things should unfold. I go with the flow and do my best to Trust with a capital “T”.

I spent the last week in a new state of being, just allowing events to transpire. I hardly recognized my self or no-self as Tolle would call it. It is hard to put into words. Perhaps you can get a sense of it. In the midst of crisis, I am at peace.

There is so much more I wish to share yet for now, what is, is that the Easter bunny is calling me. So, for now, I go.