Why is Love?

This is the easiest to answer. The why of love is that love is Who we are. To me, the game of life is getting this, getting at the cellular level our true Identity as Love. Now the game is very interesting and has many twist and turns. The biggest twist I am aware of is what The Way of Mastery calls the special relationship. The special relationship is where someone or something fills your emptiness. While it seems to work, we are willing to give everything to that specialness. We are absolutely devoted. But when that special one or thing no longer seems to meet our needs, how quickly we can turn.

It seem to be world events are making us more and more aware of our unity. What happens in Japan affects all of us. We can’t go in our corner and just forget it. I have been devoted to specialness all my life until now. I have always made relationships my anchor. First my mother, various boyfriends, husband, daughter. While I have witnessed the flaws in this way of filling my emptiness, it wasn’t until the ground got yanked from under my feet figuratively that I have been truly able to witness what I have done in the name of love and what others continue to do. Isn’t love of country or religion the primary reason for the atrocities of the world? I love my God so much I’ll kill you if you disagree. I love my country so much I’ll kill you if you disagree. I love you so much I’ll do anything for you- but for those others over there- I’ll do nothing.

I have had a million wake up calls before I could see this clearly. Not surprisingly, I have a partial macular hole in one eye and had a tear in my retina in the other. I am finally willing and able to see. What I see saddens me. I see how for love of one person, we so often neglect, are unkind to, harm, ignore another and still feel good because we believe we are a lover. Now I know this is a stage we all have to go through. And I know I am like an ex-smoker, cursing the idiocy of smokers. Yet I have so much grief for what is done in the name of love that I just want to scream “STOP!”. I had to have a situation in my personal life get so bad, so painful, so absurd before I could really see.

Now I feel like I’m in limbo. I know my old identity no longer supports me. I know that my purpose is to abide in unconditional love. I know at a cellular level how incredible that feels, how fulfilling and complete. Yet I have only had a taste, a tantalizing taste. What to do until I reach the other shore?

The other thing that has become increasingly clear to me is that until we manage to heal at the level of our nervous system, it is just an idea. These last years have been a continual diving into the physical reactivity of my body to certain conditions and situations. Over and over I have had to experience the physical, mind/body response to the belief I  am separate from love. I can say I believe whatever I want yet until our nervous system buys it, it isn’t really helpful. 

So now I am in limbo. I KNOW that I am not separate from love yet that is not my daily embodied awareness. I have released major aspects of my old identity yet nothing has yet come in to replace it. I sometimes feel alone or lonely. I am bewtixt and between. So what can I do but allow and surrender to that? Sorry, wish I had a better answer. Let me know if you have any answers.