which flower grows? all is well

In my tiny garden, one gorgeous blooming morning glory died away overnight. At the same time another planet started to grow even though I had planted no seed. It sprang seemingly out of nowhere, it is huge and today a strange purple fern like bud is unfolding. I have no clue what it is or where it came from. Feels like a perfect metaphor for these times. Things come out of nowhere and can bring unexpected gifts.

It has never been easier to chose love or fear. It is important to stay vigilant with our focus. Every Thursday I expect a miracle and I always get one. Other days I had been reading reports of difficult incoming energies and I had been expecting to get overwhelmed or anxious and I did. So I am doing my best to avoid reading anything that predicts future energies as I do not want to negatively program my mind. I will know when something arrives soon enough. 

Darlings, this is an excellent time to take care of your body, exercise, go outside, be with loved ones, dance, sing. Keep your knowing high that all is well, you are loved and all is unfolding according to plan. Sweet post below, click to get link. Sending so much love.

latter: after writing this I listened to Matt Kahn's Angel Academy where he suggested saying "all is well" to conditioning our minds to that new reality, especially in response to any concern or problem. I love that I picked up the energy prior to hearing the teleconference. Love the synchronicity.

Hearts are opening, and enormous change is in the air.

October 1, 2014 by John Smallman

committing to coming Home and abundance clinic

I was just reflecting on commitment. As I look deeply, I have made four profound soul commitments, each of which after years of attention I later upgraded to an even more encompassing promise. Three of the commitments were to people, first to mySelf, then to my husband and then my daughter. Each one was a very heartfelt, soulful vow. I also committed to assisting others in ending suffering as I battled my own anxiety. This commitment has morphed into my passion and life purpose. My commitment to my wasband has shifted to one of friendship and family and away from the promise of a wife. But it is the first commitment I dedicated myself to that I want to review today. On New Year's Eve 1987  I swore to change my life. I had no idea what would be entailed, I just knew my surface level life of working, playing, living for everyday pleasures was not satisfying to  me. I had no clue where the journey would take me. It turns out it has taken me to this moment. My vision for my life's work came later and gets clearer all the time. It turns out it is taking me Home, to my own heart, to my own body, to my own magnificence.
I made another commitment a few days ago. I will see if it turns out to be an offshoot of one of my previous commitments or its own entity. It was to abundance. I am still not ready to write about what I have discovered other then to say I had never fully committed. I thought I had yet I had left the door open to going backwards, changing my mind, fluctuating, entertaining doubt and general subterfuge. It is not until a few days ago I could see this. I would have sworn I had committed. It probably was the abundance clinic video listed below that helped me clarify my commitment. My point here is commitment is absolutely necessary to get anything realized. Right now I see it as vital to commit to waking up from our slumber, dedicating ourselves to choose love rather then fear. I know it is not welcomed to hear that this is now a required course here on planet Earth but that is what I see. It is time to get off the fence and commit. The commitment will open up so many doors. It is a special medicine, one I sometimes call "open sesame" medicine. Doors will open, opportunities will arise that we could not conjure up in our wildest imagination. Darlings, it's time. Will you commit with me to living in a world filled with love. It begins in your own heart.

For those also ready to commit fully to abundance, below is the video I watched with a caveat. 

abundance clinic

This video on abundance will be free until Nov. 9. While I do not love this presenter's style as I am considered it could lead to self judgment, I still found the video quite valuable. Just be sure you love yourself, no matter where you are with your finances, abundance.

https://www.crimsoncircle.com/OnlineEvent.aspx?ProductID=5748#event-video

it's o.k., it's o.k.- is choosing happiness possible?

I have had major freak out energy today. What I am recognizing is this does not mean I am slipping backwards, making a mistake, not getting it. Rather it is the order of the day. We are going through MAJOR upgrades that keep pushing on our nervous systems. The more the light pours in, the more anything not aligned with our highest good comes to the surface for release. We do not need to understand, process, analyze this, in fact to do so is often counter productive. We merely need to allow. Yes, I know the allowance is simple but not often easy. It feels so natural to resist, contract, push away these challenging energies. Yet if we can allow them to flow through our nervous systems without a story, contracting, making it wrong, it is so much more graceful. Believe me, today I was in major NO! mode, freaking and flipping. At the same time, the witness was merely observing the whole mayhem. The subtle message of the witness is, without any words, is this serving you? do you want more of this? I went outside to do my best to calm down as four separate irritants and chaotic situations came up for my attention. Initially I went into blame and anger, wanting to retaliate and make someone pay. I actually reacted to some of that energy which of course backfired in my face. This makes me more committed not to act when in reaction as it always creates more suffering. As I write, I have been on hold for almost an hour with my health insurance, otherwise known as one of the great petty tyrants currently helping us wake up here in the USA. I have spent maybe four hours trying to correct 3 mistakes and am now hoping to reach a human. I went from frazzled to laughing as it is so absurd. I had another situation I had worked on for a week suddenly reverse itself after it seemed finally resolved. Ah, today's energy in my neck of the world, not terribly amusing. So I love the part of myself that feels frazzled and frustrated, slow down, soften, stay grounded, go outside to rebalance, move my body, take it easy and do my best not to get caught in the web of frustration.
I also am aware perhaps in some ways for the first time that I am not alone in not finding it easy to be happy. I have often found joy here on earth rather minimal. This is the reason I was less then thrilled to stick here. I thought I was relatively alone in this, imagining everybody else was happier then I have been. Lately I have seen this as illusion and for most, it is not easy to be happy. Until a certain level of consciousness is reached, I am not sure if it is even possible. I like the article below for clarifying some of this and showing us choice is possible if one has reached a certain level of consciousness. I have felt some of the greatest joy of my life lately with the severe contrast of the opposite. At least I am out of flatland which lasted for months and was extra spooky. So I do not judge where I am, judge the movement away from joy, into freak out. It is all a natural response to this time on earth. Nothing personal, nothing wrong, just my nervous system upgrading. It is a process, one that is much more graceful when I accept it as such. Not always easy, i know. sigh… until a better day, for now i just breath and allow, sometimes laughing at the absurdity. The deepest part of me knows it is all serving me/ us to greater joy, greater happiness. greater awakening. After the taste of the last weeks, it is easier to say YES. It is also helps that people lately tell me how joyful I seem. This helps me view myself in a new way and realize I am not the lone ranger in not having had a lifetime of happiness. I figure if I seem exceptionally joyful to other, maybe joy is finally emerging. Someone told me that a man I barely know had told her that I seemed "radiant." This helps assure me something is working, something is shifting and all will be well, it's o.k.


http://blueprintsforbutterflies.com/2014/09/20/basket-weaving-101-weaving-happiness-into-our-vibration/

game changer to changed game

I wrote down this dream on 7/24 of this year. In hindsight the meaning is clear. It is me that doubts I will ever get home, that feels I am being stripped of everything and left without access to my love (my daughter in the dream standing in for my own self love), in a barren landscape, without able to reach anyone (locked phone). That is how I was feeling just two months ago. After such a long journey through an often desolate and/or terrifying landscape, I still felt flat lined. Hardly worth the journey is where my mind would sometimes take me. While I know I am not "done" I can tell you the last weeks have been miraculous. The first few weeks of September were hell as I again revisited a life time of anxiety. I wanted to crawl out of my skin. It was hard not to be disillusioned and actually in many ways, that was exactly what was called for, releasing my illusions  The joy, love, miracles of inner peace and love I have now experienced for a few weeks make it hard for me to remember the pain. It is only through re-reading some of my old blogs that I can pull up the memory of that pain. For the last weeks my interactions have been extraordinary. I repeatedly have magical conversations of such intimacy and intensity, filled with love and often with people I had never met before. I had two days of feeling entirely at home within myself, something I had only previously experienced as the result of intensive workshops experiences and even then only for hours. Friday I  had just made the decision to attend our Celtic Festival with its rather expensive tickets. Sometime this week, Wednesday or Thursday, I had made the decision to always see myself as abundant, no matter what, no matter how much money I have.  I will write more of this later but after buying the tickets I found almost $100 in an old purse with no clue where the money had come from. Did it materialize? Who cares! It more then covered our tickets with money for food too. I am just saying my whole reality seems to have shifted abruptly to one that delights me. It has been like this for several weeks. Now I know I am likely to go through more shifts so I will do my best to allow whatever unfolds next but for now I am riding the wave of joy. O.K., here is the dream from 7/24:

I hear a noise in the garage. People are in there taking wood. I go out to see what is going on. There are gypsies and they are openly taking what they need and plan to camp on my acreage without permission. I am upset and frightened and ask to speak to someone. No one speaks English until I find someone in a van at the back of the caravan. I begin talking to him. He is not a gypsy but he speaks for them. He asks me what the problem is, saying this is just the way they are, no need for concern. I say but don't I have any choice, they can take what they like?
I suddenly realize we are in motion and are very far from my home. We are in a very barren landscape. It is way too far to walk home and is windswept, without life. The van drives to a house and everyone in the caravan gets out. The house is already full and everyone eats without inviting me or paying any attention to me. I ask to use the phone which I am given. I fear my daughter will be very concerned and afraid. The phone is locked so I ask for it to be unlocked. They unlock it yet the numbers stick and will not dial. I feel very frightened and alone. How will I ever get home?

22,222- a long envisioned number

LOVE WAVE

 22222 page views I saw this number in my mind's eye for a long time and here it is. I also saw that I would be around to witness it and here at 1:26 Pacific it has arrived, 22222 visitors to the site. I regret that one of the countries that visits most often never shows on the map but I celebrate you Russia and all the friends worldwide who have found there way to this family. Also big awarenesses dialing in about abundance yet for now I can only tell you

i AM ABUNDANT

NOW TO CELEBRATE THE RAIN (THANK YOU) CLEAN SKIES AND THE REALIZATION OF THIS VISION. so much 

LOVE

not trying and your prayers

I had a session with my current favorite teacher/mentor. He told me I was still trying. I was like, what? Now I can't even try? How the hell else you gonna get free of all this goo. Yet I see the absolute truth of it. Unfortunately I can't try to not try, darn! Putting the petal to the metal just doesn't work. The Way of Mastery says it differently. "I need do nothing." Still have trouble really wrapping my head around this but getting it experientially. Here is what has dropped in lately. Without trying, I have become primarily vegetarian lately. It just showed up that I noticed I was eating even less meat then ever, only a little when my daughter is here. I no longer have to TRY to be patient or compassionate, I just am. Now mind you years of trying preceded my not trying so I am still not sure how all of this works. Just wanted to say I am looking forward to my whole like unfolding without effort and I know that is a real opportunity, in fact the only way to live a holistic live. I am still trying to not try with abundance and finances so this is a work in progress. I am also, without trying, able to be productive for up to 10 hours a day. Even a few months ago, a few hours would finish me off and it would be hammock time. Now I can hardly stop some days.

I am also requesting your prayers and support. Our region is blanketed by a heavy cloud of smoke from fires. We have the possibility of rain in a few days. The air is hazardous so no one can go outside. Please join with me in seeing these fires miraculous put out with surprising rain and the valiant efforts of our brave firefighters. Together we can create miracles.


the less you try, the easier it gets:  http://www.awakeningzone.com/Episode.aspx?EpisodeID=3336

money is not our source

Updated: 9/20/14

I've been wrestling with this bad boy for quite some time but luckily the awarenesses are piling in. I have struggled with scarcity issues off and on for decades. My last full time job was in 1987 and I only worked full time for a short period. Given that I am far outside the bounds of traditional security and income, I have been forced to face this limitation repeatedly. I have taught several courses on abundance and had an extraordinarily free and abundant life despite many periods of minimal income. Yet this is now the barrier that I recognize most frequently keeps me from knowing my own unlimited nature. It took me decades to release seeing external love as the source of safety and love in my life. That false belief is gone.  Now it has been a very long time since I looked outside myself to believe I am love, loved, lovable. So I see I must now release my limiting beliefs about money.
This awareness has just dialed in big time in the last week. I woke up before dawn a few days ago and asked to be guided to an answer to my question about what was confining me. I picked up my handy dandy Way of Mastery and read about the time Christ spoke to a rich man who had asked him how to get to the kingdom of heaven. He responded, sell everything and follow me which the rich man declined to do. So do I have to be a poor beggar to be free of this? Me thinks not. The book goes on to say it is not money that is the problem, it is the attachment to money. BINGO. Now I must have read and/or heard this numerous times yet I suddenly got it, but really. It went on to explain the Buddhist practice of renouncing all and living with just a robe and begging bowl. DOUBLE BINGO. How had I never gotten the significance of this before? Don't ask me but luckily I got it now. Here's the deal kids. It is a huge and very prevalent belief that money is the source of safety and well being in our lives, yes? Can you even consider the possibility it is not? Don't worry if you can't because I have been puzzling on this one forever and just got it. So why do Buddhist monks give up everything-to prove to themselves that the Divine is their Source, God, the Universe, whatever you want to call it. Luckily, I don't feel the need to be so radical. My mentor Karl took it to that degree. He had nothing left, no money and only a can of beans to his name that he was really looking forward to eating only to return to his trailer to find out the can was missing and never found. Did he panic? No, he surrendered. He said fine, you want me to starve, fine. I surrender this fully. Now mind you this was not a mind trick, he meant it and low and behold from that moment forward grocery bags appeared on his steps, people would fill his refrigerator and so on. He had learned the lesson of inner safety, of really trusting. He had released his attachment to money and all his needs were met.
I remember saying to someone almost two decades ago that some investments I had were the source of my security and she said, no they are not. HUH?!? Didn't get it that round but do now. See if you can catch this. If money is your source, you can lose it and therefore it is possible for you to not be safe, right? Yet we are all Divine, children of an unlimited Universe or God if you prefer. So how can we ever not be safe? I hear you protesting- what about war, crime, etc? That's not safe. Can our bodies be destroyed? Yes, they can yet our Essence can never be harmed. If one surrender's one's live to the Mystery, all one's needs will be met. In the situation of war or crime, our vibration will protect us, remove us from dangerous circumstances in alignment with our soul purpose. With the challenge of scarcity, if we remain attached to money, we will never feel truly safe as all money, no matter how much, how large the amount is, can always be lost. There is no safety there. Now understand I am not saying there is anything wrong with money. I love the stuff, I just try not to take it too seriously and have often been rewarded with surprising gifts of abundance. Still I have never felt fully safe. I am certain when I shift my inner beliefs about scarcity my outer reality will shift to align with my new inner understanding. Outer circumstances is ALWAYS a reflection of inner reality as my own experience has proven repeatedly. 
I remember walking around Bombay India. We had the money for one year in our money belts, money that while very small for a western yet might be a decade or more earnings for many in that country. We were living on $30 a day for both of us for hotel, food, local travel or other expenses. For a Western $15 a day for all one's expenses is minimal yet in India we were rich indeed. Interestingly, I rarely experienced a sense of lack despite our strict budget. People in Bombay were living on the sidewalks and in the streets, cooking over campfires. We would step over their sleeping bodies yet felt very safe, no sense we would be harmed. I have also read that people in these very poor countries do not have the driving fears about money Westerns tend to have despite having so much less. But I digress.
I posted Lisa Renee's post about being a spiritual nomad because I almost got it from that blog I posted last year:
   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqZqvGVX16Q&list=UUj09KufA570_NwYUT0ge0yw  

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 20, 2013

spiritual nomad:clearing beliefs in limitation

But it did not drop in all the way. By definition we are limited if we need something outside ourselves to be safe, loved, joyful. Now here it is almost a year since I posted that blog and awareness is sinking in deeper. Lisa writes she was living in a million dollar mansion with only $20 to her name until she got it and saw how all her needs were being provided for even though she had almost no money. DING. Being safe and taken care of without money, whoa, what a concept. Thank God I was not one of the first people to walk this path as their lesson line seemed way steep. I want to thank people like Lisa and Karl for going first, making it so much easier for people like you and I to get it with so much more grace. Thank you for paving the way.  I am not being presented with severe financial, survival fear as they were but enough to surely get my attention. 
This month I have made almost no money with my work and even my class is a little screwy with people canceling at the last second, maybe not coming back so on and so forth. So I asked myself what's up. In the past my answer would have gone in one of two directions 1) self worth-the class was not good. Nope, can't buy that. I KNEW my latest class rocked and was even lucky enough to have one student tell me she was falling out of her chair as the class was fantastic. O.K., that doesn't explain it. 2) my fault, I did something wrong, I need to control, change to make it work. Now I could almost buy that one but let's look at what people told me about why they canceled before the class. Class too early, too late, day too smokey, too busy, too tired, too far. So in the past I would have chased a way to fix it but should I make it earlier or later, closer for one but farther for another? Hum, no cheese down that tube, that won't work and I surely don't buy that I did anything wrong. As I said I know the class was HOT. So then what explains it. Last night I realized the paradox was too much so I decided to finally look at it. I realize that prior to now I have tried to resolve this issue of scarcity on the material, control level. For example I have changed investments, cut expenses, advertised,  developing another web site, taught in different locations, visualized, practiced law of attraction and endless more attempts to get more money to feel safer. I finally realized I have been barking up the wrong tree. The Universe needed to get my attention to help me move through one of the final rings of fear, physical survival. I know, this is a tough one but apparently I am ready and I say I am willing to learn it the easy way, with grace. No need for just one can of beans. The answer as always is surrender and trust. Will I stop doing those material things? No, I will just do them from a different inner place. I get it. Time to surrender the whole game, to take my hands off the steering wheel, to trust even though things have never seemed less abundant, to release the attachment to outcome. I refuse to buy that limitation, to give into to fear, to release my vision and dream because right now income is not showing up. No way Jose, my inner vision is too powerful. Mind you, I know I am still extraordinarily abundant, I just currently lack much income.

I know this post is longggggg but feels so important. Hold on, this story will fit in. When we adopted our daughter we moved to Guatemala to be with her until we completed the adoption. We went there before getting a crucial paper from the INS. (immigration) Our advisor didn't want us to go but he finally agreed. The day before we left we got the paper but in my husband's name even though we had been explicit it needed to be in my name as I am a citizen and he was not at that time. So we kept faxing, begging for the paper. No response. I had had my doubts about the adoption and had to work through numerous fears. But once I had gone through enough rings of fear I landed and became absolutely committed without wavering. Especially when I met our daughter I KNEW and I never faltered. My husband was freaking out, worried that after we had already fallen in love with her, we might somehow not be able to complete the adoption. I never doubted again. I KNEW. We kept sending our faxes off until one day someone suggested we might have the wrong fax number. While we were in the process, INS stopped accepting personal calls so fax was our only way to reach them. We found another number to try, re-faxed everything and within hours got a call in Guatemala at the swimming pool from INS! Anyone who has dealt with the INS knows that is a miracle just short of walking on water. All was well and our papers arrived pronto.
So back to money. I see it is time for me to commit with unwavering certainty that all is well, despite outer appearances  It is time to trust my own inner nature, my Divinity, my knowledge of spiritual law. It is time to drop my fears around physical survival and trust I will be taken care of, protected, but not by my controlling ego. There is a huge lesson here and I am ready to learn it.

As Dr. Holden explained: “When we forget who we are, we get neurotic … then we experience that myth of inadequacy … . The challenge of authenticity is not to change ourselves … but to change our mind about ourselves … . We’re not a self-improvement project.”

I commit to remembering who I am, my wholeness and magnificence, I commit to trusting I am safe, I am guided and protected by a force so much greater then me. I will listen to my inner prompting that guide me to my dream, my life purpose. And so it is! Darlings, take a page from my book and consider the possibility you too are safe and all is well. I know it can be a leap but together it is so much easier. Let's fly.

9/20/14 Update: Just read this today from  33 Days of Awakening a quote from Loyalty to Your Soul by the Hulnicks, fits the theme. Time for me to finalize the inner work of releasing scarcity consciousness and await further miracles.

One of the hallmarks of Spiritual Psychology is the recognition that what disturbs you is as clear an indicator of your Soul’s curriculum as you’re likely to ever get—once you learn to see it within that context. When you become upset, it’s as if life has just waved a big red flag signaling: “Attention! This is it! Look here! Here’s the inner work that’s next for you to do. Here’s an opportunity to heal the place inside where this disturbance resides. Don’t look outside. What happened is simply a triggering device intended to surface the disturbance. Take back your ownership of the disturbance and use it to heal the place inside that’s in pain and separation. By so doing, you reclaim your power.” 

http://www.usmonline.org/pdfs/33days/Loyalty_to_Your_Soul_Chapter_5.pdf